Is the word HERO cliche?

Because my Grandpa was mine. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. He passed away on New Year's Eve as peacefully as it could have happened. We had the Rosary and Funeral Mass a couple of weeks ago and his interment was on Friday. I suppose the finality of it all really started to hit me. I spoke at the Rosary, and although some of my family members have requested a copy of what I wrote and read, I haven't been able to type it up until today. There was something about what I wrote that is so very personal and close to my heart that I didn't want anyone else to read it... then I thought, "how stupid am I? I read it to at least a hundred people." So in hopes of helping to honor my Grandfather with a tribute of sorts, I'm posting what I read here. I knew nothing about grief until the past couple of weeks, and grieve I must do - but I also must heal. So please know that these words encompass only a portion of how lucky I feel to have known my Grandpa and how honored I feel to be part of his bloodline. I apologize if it's long - I'm not sure how else to post it.

Grandpa Bob…

He was and will always be my favorite Grandpa. He may have had somewhat of an advantage because he was my ONLY Grandpa, but nonetheless, he was still my favorite. I have been blessed to have many wonderful memories of my Grandpa.

Spending time with my grandparents was always one of my favorite things to do. When I was young, I loved visiting their house because it was always filled with family. There was always such a warm and safe feeling there. I loved spending the night. When my cousins were there too, we’d sleep in the room next to theirs (and usually stay up late watching movies…) – but when it was just me, they’d let me sleep on the floor next to their bed. I’m sure that wasn’t Grandpa’s favorite idea, but he always kissed grandma good night and said, “Good night Honey, I love you” and I would respond in my own young, smart aleck way, “Love you TOO, Grandpa!” And he’d say, “Oh yeah, you too.”

When I was in college, I’d often come into town and stop at their house first. (1. To check what was in the fridge & pantry – I had to see what I was missing while I was away. And 2. To make sure I helped Grandpa win a hand of solitaire – because I know how much he LOVED help!) I’d sit at the kitchen table, they’d ask me questions about college…I’d eat. And then, without fail, Grandpa would ask me… “You goin to church up there? Do you go to all of your classes? You & Robert stayin out of trouble?” Then, just as I’d be leaving, he’d throw in, “you got a boyfriend?” In fact, I know that right know, he’s up there thinking, “well? Do ya?” No Gramps, I don’t – but I assure you, you’ll be the first to know.

That’s the thing about Grandpa. He wanted us all to be happy. He wanted each of us to feel loved. Especially Grandma… He was an amazing example of what a husband should be. I told him once that he makes it hard for a girl to date because we have such a great example of what a man should be as a husband, father, grandfather, friend, and all around MAN. It’s a lot to live up to.

There are many things in this life that remind us of Grandpa: bowls of cereal (man ate a LOT of cereal!), glass jars of Planters Peanuts, cashews, hankies, decks of cards, Manhattans, ‘icky tea’ (because he hated it SO much), glasses of water – NO ICE, napkins strewn about with stir spoons and empty packets of equal on them, episodes of MASH, JAG, Walker Texas Ranger, Matlock, Murder She Wrote, or any show on TV Land at an absurdly loud volume and his ability to be sleeping through the show but the minute you change the channel, he’d wake up and say, “hey! I was watching that!” Cubbies games, Dbacks games, Suns games, Cardinals games, St. Patrick’s day – the list goes on.

I’ve learned a lot over the years from my Grandpa – how to drive (my Dad passed this responsibility to him after I bottomed out his Blazer in the school parking lot and got the tires stuck between two parking blocks the day he took Megan & I out for a lesson.. Woops.), how to be strong, how to love unconditionally, how to love romantically, how to forgive, how to listen, how to be patient, and most important – he taught me to look out for boys that were uptown shopping for downtown merchandise. And I’m embarrassed to admit that it took me several years to figure out he wasn’t referring to Uptown Plaza and the Arizona Center…

He also taught me that it’s ok to be sad for awhile. One Sunday afternoon a few years ago when my Grandma first became very sick and was in Freedom Plaza, I had taken my Grandpa to see her. It was a particularly difficult day. She was very upset, agitated, and didn’t remember either of our names. She recognized our faces but didn’t really want to visit. So Grandpa declared that it was time to go and we rode home in silence. We got back to the house, he went to his chair and picked up a book while I made dinner. As we sat down to eat dinner that night, he was fixing up his coffee just the way he likes and suddenly stopped. I looked over at him, saw his face, and a tear rolled down his cheek. That was the first and only time I saw my Grandpa cry. I asked if he was ok and he responded, “I just miss her.”

Later on, I picked up the little book he had been reading and found this poem. I don’t know that this is what he was reading that day, but I know that he lived by this poem – long before it was ever written. He wasn’t perfect, but he sure tried hard.

The poem is called “Each Day” by Max Lucado:

It’s quiet. It’s early. My coffee is hot. The sky is still black. The world is still asleep. The day is coming. In a few moments, the day will arrive. It will roar down the track with the rising of the sun. The stillness of the dawn will be exchanged for the noise of the day. The calm of solitude will be replaced by the pounding pace of the human race. The refuge of the early morning will be invaded by decisions to be made and deadlines to be met. For the next twelve hours I will be exposed to the day’s demands. It is now that I must make a choice. Because of Calvary, I’m free to choose. And so I choose.

I CHOOSE LOVE…
No occasion justifies hatred;
No injustice warrants bitterness. I choose love.
Today I will love God and what God loves.
I CHOOSE JOY…
I will invite my God to be the God of circumstance.
I will refuse the temptation to be cynical, the tool of the lazy thinker. I will refuse to see people as anything less than human beings, created by God. I will refuse to see any problem as anything less than an opportunity to see God.
I CHOOSE PEACE…
I will live forgiven. I will forgive so that I may live.
I CHOOSE PATIENCE…
I will overlook the inconveniences of the world. Instead of cursing the one who takes my place, I’ll invite him to do so. Rather than complain that the wait is too long, I will thank God for a moment to pray. Instead of clenching my fist at new assignments, I will face them with joy and courage.
I CHOOSE KINDNESS…
I will be kind to the poor, for they are alone.
I will be kind to the rich, for they are afraid.
And kind to the unkind, for such is how God has treated me.
I CHOOSE GOODNESS…
I will go without a dollar before I take a dishonest one.
I will be overlooked before I will boast. I will confess before I will accuse.
I choose goodness.
I CHOOSE FAITFULNESS…
Today I will keep my promises. My debtors will not regret their trust. My associates will not question my word. My wife will not question my love. And my children will never fear that their father will not come home.
I CHOOSE GENTLENESS…
Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle.
If I raise my voice, may it be only in praise.
If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer.
If I make a demand, may it be only of myself.
I CHOOSE SELF-CONTROL…
I am a spiritual being.
After this body is dead, my spirit will soar. I refuse to let what will rot rule the eternal. I will be drunk only by joy. I will be impassioned only by my faith.
I will be influenced only by God. I will be taught only by Christ. I choose self-control.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will lay my head on my pillow and rest.

So Grandpa, if you see a tear roll down my cheek, it’s because… I just miss you.