Super Two-fer Tuesday

Today's blog is a 2-in-1 deal. BONUS! :) Also, I voted today. Did you?

Heartache

You may or may not already know that this weekend was - by far - one of the hardest of my life. I wasn't sure if I should blog about this or not, but when I opened my planner this morning and read the quote-of-the-day, I knew I had to. "Never, 'for the sake of peace and quiet,' deny your own experience and convictions." I will try to keep it to a minimum, as I know this sort of thing gets old really fast. And for those of you who already know - bear with me.

Saturday morning Mike and I were making plans to get together and I asked if he wanted to do something after the Super Bowl - figuring that, being the big football fan that he is, he would be watching the game. He then tells me that he is going snowboarding and conveys his excitement about it. My reaction was, naturally, "wow! On Super Bowl Sunday? Well, that should be fun." All the while, the thought in the back of my mind is how odd it is that he is going snowboarding on SUPER BOWL SUNDAY - one of the biggest days in the lives of sports fans in America. After asking about when he would be back he tells me that he's actually taken Monday off and will not return until Monday night. "Oh wow, that WILL be fun then! Who are you going with?" And with little hesitation he replies, "Yeah I'm super stoked. Do you really want to know? *1 second pause* With my ex." Enter fist into my gut. Thoughts start racing through my head, many involving numerous explicitives. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

After picking my jaw up off the floor, remembering to breathe again, and virtually throwing up all over myself, I respond by telling him exactly how I feel. For those of you who don't know, Mike & I were not in a committed relationship. He could never commit to me. He & I were awesome friends though. We had a blast together every time we hung out, whether it was hanging out at home and cooking dinner, going out to a bar for drinks or going to an art festival - it was ALWAYS a blast. We also talked to eachother more frequently than I do any of my other friends. He was one of my best friends.

So after telling him what I thought about exactly what it is he's doing to me - and I didn't hold back like I normally would - I had to tell him that this was it. I would never talk to him again. Those were the hardest things I have ever had to say to someone. I stalled by filling in with other things, including, "I cared about you and loved you and you made me happy" in hopes that he would try to fight me over this. But he didn't. He let me go. He was so okay with it. SO okay with it. I wanted to be right in front of him grab him, shake him and scream, "Do you even KNOW what you are doing right now??!" But I wasn't in front of him, and I couldn't do that, and he didn't react. So that was it. I just lost one of my best friends - and the love of my life. Just like that. It seemed so... drastic. I knew it's what had to happen, otherwise this would be a continuous cycle of negative emotion and lead to an unhealthy relationship.

So, naturally, Saturday was filled with sobs - Sunday some tears - and Monday some mists. Today has been significantly better. However, my heart hurts. It genuinely aches. It hits me more at the moments when I would normally pick up the phone and text or call him for those, "guess what just happened" moments. I reached for the phone instinctively yesterday and thought, "Shit, I can't do that. Damnit." I'm sure I'll have those moments for a long time. I wish I could hate him, because it would make things so much easier. But the truth is, he IS a good guy, I love him very much, he was a great friend, and my life has been a happier place because of him. I will always be thankful for the time I was able to spend with him and I will miss him very much. We'll leave it at that for now.


Thank God for Baby Love

So this weekend was the first of what may be many 2024 PREunions... aka 2-year old Sunday Fun Day in the Park. Yeah, I'm super cheesy like that - get off me. You would think I have kids of my own with the amount pics I have of the wee ones, but I don't. I'm just an auntie, a cousin, and a crazy friend who loves the tot population. I have never needed that unconditional baby love more than Sunday, so the timing was perfect. I was a total wreck, but they didn't care. Trevor didn't make it because he has a cold, but the others all came out and played there little hearts out. The weather was unseasonably cold for Arizona and slightly misty out - so we all look like we're on the East Coast. But all in all, it was a success and I think we're gonna make it a regular event.

Pictured on the left are Lauren & Reagan. They are two days apart and became fast friends. It was super cute. Lauren's got a big "cheese" going!





Anika has the red hat on and, incidently - she screams every time she sees me! That can't be a good sign...



Also pictured are Jen, Jonathan, Anika, and Rosemary having some snacks.

Reagan is the queen of the sneaky looks - and dirty looks too! I think she gets those from her Daddy....







I have to say one thing before ending this blog... I have the best friends in the whole world. Everyone has been so incredibly understanding and supportive of me. This has been by far one of the hardest things I have ever gone through - and I've been through a lot. I was nervous at first to tell anyone because a) I feel like a fool and b) I thought people would think I was crazy because Mike and I weren't even in a committed relationship. But nobody has questioned that - and they have not questioned my love for him, nor have they discounted the respect that I have for him for telling me. As I told him, it certainly doesn't make it right and I DO wish that he said something sooner - and well, not tried to plan something with ME when he was going snowboarding with HER, but I certainly can't fault him for telling me the truth.

If I've learned one thing in the past week, it's that life is what you make it. My heart was shattered into a thousand pieces on Saturday. I could have let it ruin me. But I'm not. And I won't. I will miss him and I will always have a place in my heart for him - but I will not be bitter and I WILL move on... I don't know when, but I will.